Shooting with "MJ"
Saturday, June 11, 2011 at 12:00AM Hey guys, these last couple of months have been a strange one for me. Lately I have found myself being both extremely happy and sad at the same time.
What's the happy part?
I received my "Epic" camera last month and it's absolutely incredible. What is an Epic camera? It's an innovative digital cinema camera by the "Red" company. In fact, Red was a company that my uncle Michael was very fond of. We would talk about them over the phone and especially their upcoming cameras. He felt that Jim and his company were trailblazers and that one day they would overcome the big guys. I don't have to tell you that he was right, like always.
Here is a photo of my uncle with the Red one camera.
Knowing my uncle, he probably loved every minute behind the camera.
Which brings me to the sad part. Ever since I got my Epic camera, I've been finding myself depressed. Why? Because my uncle would have been the first person I would have called on the phone to tell about my new "Epic". He would have been so happy for me, ....for us. I can hear him now, asking "when are we gonna shoot something together with it?". The hard reality is, now I never will be able to.
Anyway, in honor of my uncle, I have decided to name my Epic camera, "MJ".
That way everytime I turn on the camera to shoot something or press the record button, I will be thinking of my uncle Michael, and the way he inspired me and will continue to inspire me.
In a way, I will be shooting with "MJ"
Reader Comments (103)
<3
It's all incredibly sad for us but for you it must be unbearable. Hope your camera brings you a lot of joy.
Hi Taj. Glad to hear from you again. Can you show us a picture of you with your new camera? See ya, Love.
Oh Taj, I am sitting hear in floods of tears. It never gets any easier. You will have loads of happy times with your new and very special 'MJ'. Michael is always in our thoughts and always will be. He will be watching from his crescent moon admiring everything you are doing. Much L.O.V.E Candida Golden Cherry xxxx
u made me cry :'(
Taj,
"A star can never die. It just turns into a smile and melts back into the cosmic music, the dance of life" - MJ -Dancing the Dream
My love to you always. Michael is smiling upon you.
Hugs, Fawnie (MJisKingofDance on Twitter)
Oh Taj, thank you for sharing with us,I wish you good luck! We believe in you! I know,your uncle would be proud of you!
from Russia with L.O.V.E.
Sabina (@Sabina717)
Hey Taj,
It is not and never will be fair that not only an amazing human being was taken away, but also the bond you shared. Michael was famous, but humble and that is such a rarity these days. What impressed me most about him was not his art, but his ability to change people, to inspire them. He made me a better person.
Be proud Taj, because the same creative blood flows through you. You are family and blessed with gifts and the will to leave your mark. That's special. You made a big start years ago with 3t, and you continue to create. And Michael is surely watching you from his crescent moon....smiling broadly knowing you are 'doing it'.
For me, I met so many amazing people simply by being a fan of Michael. Some of my best friends are MJ fans and they live across the globe. I never got the chance to properly thank him for that, but I hope he knows that he HAS healed the world. <3
Taj,
Your uncle was the best man of this world, you'll see, you always protect from up there.
Michael I love you, I miss you so much!<3<3<3
Taj, your kind words towards your uncle cannot be more beautiful. He will always be alive for us fans all over the world, and specially for you guys... his REAL family. Michael was always proud of being a Jackson, and reading the way you described your relationship with him... I´m sure you feel his absence more than words can say.
I am planning on doing a tribute for MJ on our blog (http://radiopopaction.blogspot.com) on June 25th and it would really be an honor if we could get in touch with you in order to share your favourite memories of him. The king of Pop lives on in our memories... but uncle doo doo will forever live in your hearts. :)
This was beautiful to read. Thanks for sharering, and letting us know more about Michael. I miss him every single day.
<3
Hey Taj,
Sorry to hear you've been going through a rough time. But I can totally understand. (I'd even say "relate"...but since I never got to meet your Uncle Michael and didn't know him personally I think it would be kind of "stretch" to say I can "relate"....so I think "understand" is a better word...). I can understand how difficult it must be for you that he's not around anymore. It's been very difficult to me too and like I said, I never even met him (I was face to face with him because he walked straight to where I was when he saw me and stopped in front of me and put his hands together to say "thank you" in London 2009, but that's hardly "meeting" him...). I never got to talk to him. I wish I could have. He seemed like a person one could have had great, deep, intelligent conversations with about anything. And he seemed so funny and like he still was a kid at heart, and I loved that about him, because I am the same....love acting silly and joking around and love people who are like that as well. And he was SO TALENTED. When I hear his songs and his voice, I am amazed at his talent and I feel such JOY...but then at the same time I feel ABSOLUTELY GUTTED. Mostly because of all the crap he was put through while he lived. It makes me SO ANGRY to think how many years of his life he was FORCED to waste because of all the STUPID allegations and stupid innuendos and slander....I can't help but to think what masterpieces the world could have heard and seen, if people only would have let him enjoy his life in peace with his children and would have let him concentrate on creating and writing music, etc. And JUST when it seemed that he was about to be happy again...he had to die. :(( It makes me so sad that he died only 4 years after the trial. I just hope he was happy when he died. I really hope God had mercy enough to let him at least be happy when he died. He deserved to be happy.
Another reason why it has been hard for me personally, is the way he died. I have been a fan of his since 1987. Since I was 12. I always looked up to Michael, admired him...he was almost like a "big brother" I never had to me. But even though I was a huge fan, I was never one of those "hysterical" fans. I never screamed or cried when I saw him...I just quietly smiled (well..okay..had a cheesy grin from ear to ear...LOL!) and waved and was just happy to see him. And all I ever really wanted was a chance to just get to talk to him. As a person to person. Not as a superstar to a fan. But as a person to person. Just like "normal" people. We seemed to have so many same interests (old movies, REALLY wanting to help people, especially children, being a kid at heart, music and art..etc.)... it felt like we could have had some great conversations. Kind of like how you wanted to talk to him about films (and about other things too, I'm sure)...but I hope you know what I mean. I never really was interested in getting an autograph (to this day I don't really know what you do with an autograph...? It's just someone's name on a paper...I mean, if someone wants one...nothing wrong with it. I just never knew why I'd have to get one and what I'd do with one.)...I HATE being filmed or photographed (when I see a camera I RUN! LOL!) and always look awful in photos, so I would have NEVER wanted to have my picture taken with him because I would NOT have wanted to have a picture to remind me the rest of my life how awful I looked when I met him! LOL! I also never filmed him even if I was at his hotel,. etc. because I figured there are enough people sticking cameras to his face...I don't need to be one person more doing it. So I really just wanted to meet him to be able to talk to him. About life, art, charity, music..just about anything. Even just for a little while. It would have meant so much. But as you know...it's almost impossible to get to meet him. Especially if you're one of the calmer and more quiet ones, who won't run to grab him. I just always felt a bit sad that so many who ended up hurting him got to be so close to him...and then to know that I, who would have never ever betrayed or hurt him, never got a chance to meet him. Anyways, to come to the point why it's been difficult for me and why I feel so gutted about his death...You see, I'm a nurse. I work as a pediatric registered nurse full time...but I am also a nurse anesthetist. And that is why it is so so SO difficult for me to get over Michael's death. I could have SAVED him!!!! :((( It tears my heart into pieces to know that he DID NOT have to die and that I could have SAVED him!!!! :((( If only I could have been there that day...I could have saved him. :((( It feels SO IRONIC in a way....I keep going over everything that happend in London in March 2009....and how for the first time ever I was face to face with him...not because I'd have run to grab him...but because he walked to where I was...and I keep thinking WHY did I not get the chance to TALK to him??! Why was I NOT able to meet him and talk to him and become friends with him? Maybe I could have helped him?? Maybe, if he would have heard what I do for a living, he would have asked me about Propofol and I could have told him how DANGEROUS it is!! I know it's all "what ifs" and no one can chance the past and no one can say if I could have changed a thing...But still I keep asking "what if". But like I said, the most difficult thing for me is to know that I could have done something to save him, had I only been given a chance to be there....THAT is so hard to deal with. :(((
Anyways, to come to the more happy part....When I see animals or things outside that take my breath away (like a beautiful formation of clouds, or a beautiful sunny day, or a beautiful sunset, etc.) or when I see children smiling and laughing and being happy or if I see people being kind to one another....that's when I smile and immediately think of Michael. I say quietly to myself "Michael would have LOVED that!!". And that thought makes me smile. :) So if you are somewhere filming something beautiful or exciting that you would have wanted to share with your Uncle Michael...just share it with him quietly in your thoughts!! Just say "Look Uncle Michael!!!! Isn't that AMAZING!!! I know you would have been so excited to see that!!". I am sure he can hear or feel you somehow, somewhere!!! If you just share the beauty and excitement in your life with the world...I'm sure we'll see a smile beaming down from above saying "WELL DONE TAJ!!! I'm so PROUD of you!!". :)))
Take care and God bless, and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us! :)) Can't wait to see the results of your "adventures" with "MJ"!! :))) Wishing you all the best!! :)) God bless!! *hugs*
Love always,
summer (aka loveforalltime on Twitter)
P.S. Sorry this was SO LONG!!! One thing I'm unfortunately NOT good at is keeping things short..LOL! Thanks if you read the whole thing!! :)
The first time I ever saw Michael on tv. I would have been six years old. It was when he and your father and uncles first started on television. From the first time I saw him I felt his magic. Today I understand what I saw was God's love shining through him. With all of my heart I understand and appreciate the pain you are feeling. I feel it too. I also feel the great joy you are feeling. Whenever I see any of you doing what you love I feel so much joy inside. You will find the magic will be in you too if you let go of the fear. Read Michael's poetry. I find it helps me so much. Trust in good. Good comes from God and should be trusted. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. I am so proud of you. I hope that you have MJ engraved on your camera. Remember what his wish is for you. If you follow in his footsteps he wants you to be better than he was. Live your dreams!!! God bless you Taj! I can't wait to see the first magic you create with your new camera.
Taj,
I went throgh the same thing Taj. My cousin was killed in a car crash on Mothers Day Morning when I was 15 yrs old. He was 21 at the time. We were close and he was more a big brother to me. I looked up to hiim. When I entered my freshman yr of college. I had a night when I Cried soooo hard for him in my new dorm room. Because I would have called him to tell him I was in college and he would have been so proud of me and understood. But bc he was in Heaven... I could not call him.
That is so beautiful and honering of your Uncle Michael. I'm sure he is honored and smiling down from Heaven and has a Red cam in Heaven waiting to shoot with you one day. Just like my cousin is waiting to tell me how proud he is of me that I've. Not only have entered college but have graduated college (class of 2002)...and my graduation was in memory of him. He had one yr of college left when he was killed. I told his mom/my aunt I was doing it for him. Now I'm 30 yrs old and have been teaching for 11 years!
I know he's proud of me. And your Uncle Michael is proud of you. Maybe they had lunch together and talked about us.
Love You More,
Ramona
@Ramona_Pritchet
Taj........this was really beautiful , thanks for sharing it with us.....oooo i´m already crying,,,,
L.O.V.E. FROM PORTUGAL
Lia
Thank you for sharing your L.O.V.E. with us Taj, especially when it must be so painful. I hope you are able to take the love and inspiration Michael gave you and put it into every project you and 'MJ' create together. He will be so proud of you.
Sending you eternal L.O.V.E
Chelle GoldenCherry, UK
xxxx
You absolutely will be shooting with your uncle, Taj! Don't let anything stand in your way, for anything inspired by Michael is the tops, and you are sooo much closer to him than most others could have ever hoped to be. When I first heard about you and your passions, I was so sad that evil people kept getting in the way of you getting a good chance to work with your uncle--but maybe, just maybe, you are supposed to find how strong YOU can be with him in your heart, if not at your side. btw, your Dad is pretty awesome too! All the best to you, Taj!
Awww. Such a sweet story. =) I Know you and your family miss Michael so much!! He will forever be in you guys heart.
Michael will forever be in all of our(fans) heart too.
Through it all he had a GOD GIVEN gift no one can take away. I'm glad to be apart of it and see him fulfilling his purpose. I know you miss him dearly. And anything that is related to his laughter or smile may make you sad but always smile through the pain Taj, It may be hard you may wanna cry sometimes but keep your head up. I can see you and him were oh so close. I know he is forever in your heart and hope that his inspiration to you will give you a wonderful movie to make. =]
Sending you the Best of L.O.V.E. <3
Ann J . from Cleveland,Oh
I'm sorry Taj. We all wish he was here to shoot the camera with you. Some of us think of him daily too. I am glad you turned your new camera into a positive experience. On the note of not being able to shoot vids with your uncle anymore, are you guys going to be doing any music with your other Aunts and Uncles?
Thank you Taj for sharing that with us. I, like many fans think if your family as an extension of my own. I can truely say I loved your Uncle Michael from the first time I saw him on Ed Sullivan. Many of his milestones coincided with important events in my own life. He is part of my DNA. Your post made me smile and tear up. I know he is smiling down on all you do and is proud. I am sorry that he was taken from you too soon. With Love, Lori (@LGLuvsJ5 on Twitter)
Thx for sharing these memories with us , Taj !!
Am really happy to hear from you again during the last days ... send you a virtual & full with love hug from Berlin/Germany.
all my love , best wishes to you & have an awesome & sunny weekend ,
Kathrin & all members of 3TFansUnited <3
Hi Taj,
I hope you don't mind but this comment is for summer.
summer, your post/comment here was so beautiful and it touched me so much. And it made me want to cry. Partly because I know you from 'that thread we have both enjoyed for so long' *winks* and I have such a fondness for you anyway, but your comment here really moved me deeply. I hadn't known that MJ had walked right up to you and you two had had eye contact briefly and he had made that gesture of "thank you." How very, very special! I am so, so happy he did that for you. He must have recognized you, he must have, and seems he especially wanted to acknowledge you and bless you. And I am so glad he did, for you are one of the special ones. Luv ya, summer! Hang in there! *hugs*
(thanks, Taj. I enjoyed your blog post a lot, too!!! But I was also just so affected by summer's post, I hope you can understand) ^_^
I am continually struck by the way I seem to be over your uncle's transition and then, a flood of emotions will wash over me and I see that I'll never get over it. He was more than just a man, an artist - he was a light that lit up lives, that powered the world, that charged the souls of everyone his words touched.
No one will ever replace him or that light. I would love to share my poetry with you sometimes...I just wrote 1 this week called I MISS U.
beautifull piece.
I shot one of my clips with the 7d ..reminds me a little of the Red cam.
goodluck.
bless,
Teema.
hey Taj we love you.
Please Vote MJ in the NME greatest singers of all time! And keep voting until June 20th.
http://www.nme.com/ratemy/216512/greatest-singers-of-all-time/item/216579